xo

i waited for you after the movie
but you seemed to walk past
i waited for you so i could talk
but you werent in the mood
i asked to borrow a pen
but only wanted to touch your hand one more time
i wondered if you still liked me
even though you never looked my way
i notice you like never before
and miss how we used to be
i kept the picture of the choir in my hands
only to find us close
laughing at ourselves
through the blurry flash-less photo
i take my time from spanish to my car
only to see you at your locker
and to pass by
but only that is worth it
its a nice end to the day
"ashley, you're a great friend that doesnt care how i act. youre a good person. see you in high school"
miss you
xo

it could be.

standing in the shadows
but it was always in the spotlight
how he did it
why he wouldn't try
wearing your heart on your sleeve
and cutting the loose string
dropping to the floor
the trauma of the loss
the drama of the loss
spreading your wings
smiling more often than ever
glint in your eye
brown eyed and rimmed in fury
but washed away with the dove
and lined with a new sense of love.

found the reason why he's so appealing
closer to me than you
although the many times i searched for your house
just to know you're never far
but just not close enough to reach
better off eye to eye
than hand in hand
turn the lock cause you're never gettin in
holding you out
but wanting to hold you close
closer than the photo
beauty is in the eye of the beholder
or in the eyes of that green eyed girl
to that dark haired, brown eyed bombshell
exploding like a bomb
kamikazes summoning the living
hoping to be more alive, so alive
waiting for the chance to live
long with you

everyones a let down

she looked through the lens
blurred, she walked away
she wanted to see it through the eyes of someone else
wanted to break in
wanted to listen to the song and hope it ended well
hope this time she wouldn't cry
and this time, someone would be there
but talking in third person
never got her anywhere
but then again
neither did anything else.

"we say what we feel, then we stop ourselves"

admitting to it
but never saying it was yours
walking in slow motion
but you never came
he sits alone
and thinks
about what he's done
about what he's had
and whats going to become
of him
of her
she sits with her friends
trying not to think
about what she couldn't do
about she will never have
and what will bever become

and they never knew what they never had, never will have, never felt, and never
tried.

br(e)aking away. sinking to sho(u)re

i see you but the fog is setting in
setting into the valley of hearts and hope
hoping for hearts
and wanting a grip on the concept
a grip on your hand
holding onto for air
coming up for dear life
waiting for a chance
to be with you
to be with me
to finally understand why
all of the glances and awkward silences
always seem to come
hand in hand.

red light. green light.

too far from you
but moving too slow
shifter stuck in park
and the speedometer says no.
you're in the fast lane and i just can't pass you
so you dont know im there
waiting for you
to say go.

Doing everything I can to get to you.

"I can't help."

i cant explain you
and i listen to every mutilated love song i can
and write this hoping youre reading this as i type
but i know youre not
and i wanted to say that youre smile makes my day
every day
but i didnt have the heart to see your reaction
looked for a way to communicate with you again
and daydream about being with you later on.
i pray so
theres something about you
like you need someone
something to make you feel whole
"i cant help falling in love with you."
too bad you never notice me hurrying back
after class pretending not to be waiting for you at your locker
and when you leave
leaving too
only wishing i was leaving
with you.

I LOVE YOU

i looked for you today
and saw u alone
you didnt smile
"never stop smiling because you never
know who is in love with your smile"
its me
its me.
but its you who i love
and your eyes
love you
george.
forever
never forget it

and all i got was this stupid shirt.

i said i didnt
but i do
i said i hated you
but i dont
i said i just wanted to know youre around
but i want you with me
i said it has been too long
but i gave up
i said i gave up
but i didnt
i said you've kept me alive
and you did
i waited for an "i love you too"
but still never got it

lipstick lullabies

i secretly wish i had someone
and secretly wish you knew that.
i secretly wish there was someone to talk to
other than myself.
i dont get myself any more than anyone else does.
i secretly wish for a pair of eyes to come to everyday
when I'm not feeling like myself.
I secretly wish someone knew me better than my backstabbing friends
I secretly wish I knew i was liked for someone other than a good student
And a lab partner.
I secretly wish there was
you.

this is sorry for the last time.

i am sooooooo happy shawn hornbeck is home safe
what a beautiful lucky boy to have been able to come home safe.
i dont know why, but theres something about him
welcome home

failed that test

"you would look so cute together"
but thats what they always say
even though we are the same
we are so different
the green in your eyes tells a different story
than the green in mine.
and i want to know
if theres a way
to make the two collide
but i know you hate me now
even after the
"i wish our little fight never happened"
but you said
"it wasnt really a fight"
but its different now
and that wasnt the answer i was looking for
im giving up
and theres lies
and the tears i feel like crying are not going to
help.
she likes you too
and knows i love you
but doesnt know i know she likes you.
and i wish it was only me for once
after three years i gave up wanting that one
because i had no chance
and he knew.
now you know
and i should give up on you too now.
but for some reason
i cant
let go.

the snow shines so in the moonlight

i am always waiting for you
but you always leave without me
i always close one door
but seem to slam the other one
on the hopes
of us.
no one else will ever know
not even you
the curtains are blowing
in the breeze of the pain
that never seems to cease
why is it always you
that i think about
i cant explain how perfect you are
your flaws make you even more perfect.
i think you have potential to be
quite the person i wish you to be.
i am the queen
and i need a king
and in my mind,
you are the most royal of all.

why is it that everytime i walk by
you never know im alive
but i remember the times
that you went through my mind
and thats all i will ever know
for i love you so
we used to be so close
but now we are so far
in that crowded bright room
its so dark and lonely
i cant be with you
and i cant be without you
i am never too close
always too far
i wish you could see it
the way that i do
now.

im in the darkest corner of your heart
if i am anything anymore
to you
so wrong
in such denial
all i can think about is how there will never be
an i love you
a brush on the cheek with your own
that glisten in your eye
and i have to much time
to know that you will never know
how ignoring the fact that we both know
that you know that i still want you
(to be close again.)

i'll take a side of you with that.

i was so wrong about you
everything was a lie
every time you inched closer
was only because you didnt have room on the other side
i thought you were so much better than you really are
hiding behind the dark hoodie
you lied to me
constantly
i thought you were smart
do i seem like the type
i believed you
i was blinded
but i still look for you
you will never know how fast it all gets around
i know what you say
but you will never know what i think of you
too much time to think
means the more i hate the way i love you
so you better pray for a damn busy week for me
so you dont lose one more
for the record
i was betrayed
but yet i wish i could get back to you
i fantasize about forgiveness
i dream about the kiss and make-up
really, only the kiss
but its too late
that night i wish i wasnt alive
i wish i had no keyboard
that bred every tear
every letter on "caps lock"
every hot rash on my chest
it was all for you
thats all it will ever be

a lie ripened by time

she ruins everything
she said she would help
but she's on your side
like talking behind your back
but it's behind mine
i know you talk
you would bet on her
but i can just go to hell
she fucks everything up.
everything.

i wish i couldnt hate you
i never did anything to you
every cut i had
you dug deeper
with the knife of your heart
literally
if only i didnt care so much about you
if only you knew me better
and knew how i would react to you
and your lies
youve hurt me
more than you know
the tears have dried
but once i look into your eyes again
theyll wet my face once again
cooper i (love) hate you

i will always love you
although youve caused so much hurt
so much jealousy
i keep having dreams
and i tell them
and forget they will never come true
but what am i supposed to do?
i know you know
what im talking about
firsthand